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Metamorphosis






Appa passed away in the early morning hours of December 3, 2014, one month short of his 72nd birthday.  Well, he was 67 yrs old on the fateful night of brain hemorrhage, so I guess we lost the father we knew back then. 

I have been unable to bring myself to write anything about him since that past 3 ½ years.  Each time I think of a blog post, my eyes would tear up, chest turn heavy and breathing would be constricted, sure signs of no blog post.

This time I am ready to write about the night he left his physical body.

On the night of December 2nd, as per the routine I was awake until Appa was deep asleep. I called my sister around 11ish to update on him. He was constantly battling infection and was running temperature for the past few months.  Appa’s neurosurgeon messaged me back asking to continue his medication and then I called it a night around 12:30am.  My internal clock woke me up around 4:00am to check on him.  When I opened my eyes, I was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that for a split second I contemplated going back to sleep, but then I hauled myself out of bed.

One look at him and I knew it wasn’t good. He had his eyes closed and seemed peaceful. It looked like he had coughed. He is usually up at this time, making noises, gesturing me to come close to him or to give him something to eat. But it was all too quiet in the room. Body was still warm, checked pulse, BP – nothing. Just like that, all peaceful, quiet and alone, he made his transition journey.

Today is Tamil New Year’s, I am alone at home as I write this and I am finally not tearing up about his absence.  Happy new year indeed. Miss you Appa.

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